My Living Will
A man was sitting in the living room and turned to his wife and said, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.  If that ever happens I want you to promise me you will just pull the plug. "She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my bottle of wine.

The Real Cowboy
A cowboy sat down at Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to him asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, bailing hay, and cleaning my barn, so I guess I am a real cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.  As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping their coffee in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

The Promised Land
A religious man died suddenly while on a trip to the Holy Land with his wife. They had been married for over 50 years. She went to a funeral director to make preparations for the burial. He said that he could be buried in the Promised Land for only $1000. If she wanted him transported back to the US it would cost $10,000. The woman responded that she wanted the body sent back immediately no matter what the cost. The funeral director was somewhat perplexed. “Your husband was so religious, wouldn’t he prefer to be buried in the Holy Land?” The woman responded. “About 2000 years ago a man died near here and rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance with my husband.”

One Happy Man
Three men, all in their 80’s, were talking about their sex lives. Frank boasted “I’m 85 but I still have sex once a week and it is great.” Bob replied, “Well I only have it once a month, but you know what, it couldn’t be better.” Milty was quiet but had a very big smile on his face. “What about you Milty, how are you faring at your age?” “To tell you the truth I’m not so lucky. I only have sex once a year.” “Oh that’s to bad” replied Frank, “but then why are you so happy?” “Well,” says Milty “tonight’s the night.”